Introduction
My intention in writing this blog is to share the experiences that I went through with my son, starting with the first manifestation of his illness and our journey through numerous subsequent episodes. Also to provide commentary as a parent and psychiatrist on issues that these experiences bring up, such as how the diagnostic process works in mental health, how to work with treatment providers and medication issues. My hope is that reading this may be helpful for people with mental health issues and also their families and friends.
Trip to Peru
December 2004 was a landmark month for Bill. He finished his last Washington University courses and did well. He took his final exams without getting psychotic. He had decided to move to Madison WI and to start a course of graduate studies in physical therapy. It was a natural blend of his interest in exercise, physiology, psychology and mindfulness. It also represented a fresh start in a new city and with a new focus. I had friends living in Madison whom Bill and I had visited and they were pleased to help him make the transition, including the process of enrolling in a community college that offered PT courses and suggestions of where to look for affordable apartments. In November he started to line up apartments for January, going on the internet and checking out what was available, then drove up to Madison, and put down a deposit. The day after his last final exams he traveled with his brothers and me to Peru, a celebration of his success. It was a fabulous trip, starting out in Lima, then a flight into the jungle where we stayed in open air huts. We went with indigenous village guides on treks in pursuit of exotic wildlife. One was to a salt lick starting at 4 am where we saw parrots and macaws in the thousands hanging on the side of cliffs, eating the clay. We saw 5 species of monkeys, including the “howlers” who made their presence loudly known at dawn and sunset. We climbed up into the canopy to look out over the jungle and down at the Madre de Dios river, a tributary of the Amazon. Bill put his arm around my shoulders “Thanks Mom, thanks for arranging this.”
Next we were off to Cuzco at 12,000 feet where the guys took in the nightlife at local discos while I nursed a mild case of altitude sickness. It was Christmas Eve and the plaza was full of “campesinos” or “Indios” down from the mountains to sell their goods and to attend services at the Catedral. Unfortunately there were fireworks all night long. At 4 am we stumbled out to the train to take us towards Machu Pichu. We got off a couple hours later, with a days hike left to go, to trek the Inca Trail into the ancient city. It was a fabulous hike on steep stone trails, the original stones laid down by the Inca intact, high into the mountains (up to 14,000 feet) past ancient Inca ruins and overlooking incredible vistas over multiple snow-capped mountain ranges. For me it was one of the fiercest endurance tests of my life, afflicted with mountain sickness (altitude sickness), sleep deprivation and tourista. The guys checked on me at regular intervals, Bill carried my backpack and they all slowed down when I needed to rest.
Finally we summitted into the Gateway of the Sun looking down on Machu Pichu in the late afternoon. The terraced city stretched below us. It was clear why this was one of the seven wonders. We hurried to catch one of the last buses off the mountain to the village below where we had hotel reservations. The next several days we got up early to spend the day at Machu Pichu exploring all the different ruins and one day to hike up the adjacent peak of Wainu Pichu. In these excursions the boys reverted to their adolescent pattern of hanging out with each other and only occasionally checking in with me. Bill was very happy to be “hanging” with his brothers talking about what they observed and about their separate lives. He was more subdued than previously and didn’t assert his authority as the big brother. Tom and Mike had previously looked to him as a surrogate father but had given that up. They formed a gang of 3 brothers taking turns leading the way. We ate dinner together in the village, trying to figure out which restaurants had menus that were more authentic rather than totally catering to tourists. A staple on the menus was grilled alpaca, more available than other meat. We walked up the cobblestone paths set on a steep incline eyeing the menu and discussing among ourselves which one to pick. On the final day we went to the local hot springs to bathe in the medicinal waters. Back in Cuzco we had a day in the Urubamba Valley visiting a number of other Inca ruins. Bill and Mike decided to stay behind in Cuzco and take it easy. Tom and I had a wonderful day in the mountains including lunch in an old hacienda overlooking a river. Then back to Lima before our flight back to the US for a day tour of the city and a visit with Tia Maruja, my aunt from my mother’s sister’s marriage to a Peruvian economics professor. Maruja had lived in Lima her entire life and I had visited her before during the summer after my freshman year in college, hitchhiking through Latin America. She enjoyed meeting my sons and we reminisced about all the family members.
Home in St. Louis each had his own group of friends to hang out with. By this point five years after highschool there were only a few friends that Bill made contact with since most had gone on to graduate school or jobs. It seemed hard for him to be with his friends, much more awkward than in highschool, whether this was the effect of the illness, Bill’s insecurity about not having achieved as much as his aspirations or just the awkwardness that comes from lives diverged.
Bill and I were busy packing up his belongings for the trip to Madison. It was hard for him to decide what to take along. When we were finally ready to set off we had filled the entire car except for our own seating area in the front.